When men masturbate, they tend to use a few hard and rhythmic strokes on their penis so they ejaculate as quickly as possible. Very few men take the time and trouble to extend masturbation into a sensual act of self-pleasuring, and it's even more unusual for men's partners do this for them. Yet, when a woman (or a gay man) offers their partner a luxurious penis massage, with the added pleasure of prostate stimulation, the results can be profoundly different to a session of masturbation where the object is to stimulate the penis to ejaculate as quickly as possible. In a slow penile massage, sexual energy may flow through both partners, energizing and activating meridians and chakras, there can be several peaks of pleasure without ejaculation, and there may be a flow of loving energy between the couple. Sensuous massage of the penis can have some profound effects!
The basic idea here is that sensuous penile massage is an act of honoring the man by the woman. In essence she honors both him, and his sexuality as symbolized by his penis. This is his space and time to receive pleasuring - and, being male, this pleasuring does indeed center on his penis, though the rest of his body is not neglected, in what is essentially an erotic massage. It all starts in a relaxed and comfortable space - a bedroom, perhaps, adorned with cushions, male images, candles, maybe incense, and whatever else symbolizes maleness and masculinity to the man concerned. His partner may choose to give him a ceremonial bath before she massages him, making sure his penis, genitals and anus are clean. The penile / body massage proper begins with him lying comfortably on his back, with his partner sitting between his legs so she has easy access to his penis and testicles.
If you're doing this for your man, use plenty of oil on both his penis and the rest of his body. A good quality olive oil or massage oil is ideal for the sensitive skin of the penis. (Water based lubes dry up in use, and when you're offering your partner a long, sensuous massage to his penis, with attention to other parts of his body, you want to maintain a high level of lubrication. Oil is also good for accessing his prostate gland through his anus, if you incorporate that into the massage.) When you're offering a man a session of penis massage, begin by dribbling plenty of oil sensuously onto his penis and scrotum. Hold the base of his penile shaft with the forefinger and thumb of one hand, while circling the finger and thumb of the other hand slowly up and down his penile shaft from scrotum to glans. You may wish to continue the stroke up and over the glans and across his frenulum to maximize the erotic sensations he feels.
While you do this, your partner must be relaxed and receptive, not worrying about time pressure or taking control. It's his turn to receive, though have him give occasional feedback to tell you which strokes he likes best on his penis. Don't masturbate him with the idea of orgasm / ejaculation in mind: let him enjoy the erotic potential of his penis. There are an almost endless number and variation of strokes which you can use on your man's penis. For example, try holding his penis at the base, pressing down slightly into his scrotum, while spiraling your other hand all the way from the base of his penile shaft up to his glans, winding your way to the very tip of his glans and bringing your hand right over the top of his penis before spiraling down again. Or try holding his penis with both hands and rotating them in opposite directions around his shaft, moving your body sensuously back and forth in time with your movements. If he hasn't been circumcised, you can try stimulating his penis with his foreskin covering his glans - using plenty of oil for maximum pleasure. When he's more aroused, you can gently pull back his foreskin and stimulate his glans directly.
Another way of varying these strokes is to hold his penis with both hands and move them in opposite directions around the shaft of the penis. And yet another variation: hold the glans of your man's penis against his belly and lightly tap all over the under-surface of his penis with the tips of your fingers. There's no limit to the ways in which you can stimulate your man's penis, and the addition of plenty of oil makes the whole experience into a sensuous exploration of bodily pleasure. But, as you may have noticed, many men masturbate using much more vigorous techniques, so there will be a point where it is necessary to increase the speed and force of your strokes so that your man moves more rapidly to the peak of his sexual arousal. Now, depending on what you are aiming to achieve, you have various options: you can masturbate him to orgasm and let him ejaculate, which is very pleasant for him and perhaps sexually arousing for you as well; you can raise his arousal to a peak but not bring him over the edge into orgasm and ejaculation,; or you can stimulate him and aim to keep him at the edge of orgasm for some time before he finally ejaculates; or you can repeat the stimulation towards orgasm, stopping just short of ejaculation, and then repeat this process four or five times before finally bringing him to the point of ejaculation.
At this point, I'd like to point out that if a man has trouble gaining an erection, it is still possible to offer sensuous massage to his flaccid penis. However, for most men erectile dysfunction is a problem that lowers their self-esteem, and finding a treatment for his erection problems is likely to be a high priority.
You might ask "why do all this?" The answer is both simple and complex.....let me explain. The simple answer is that such techniques greatly increase the power and force of a man's ejaculation, so that his sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced. But there's more to it than that. If, for example, he's aiming to gain greater control over his ejaculation, so that he lasts longer in bed, then the repeated-stimulation technique might be a helpful way of showing him that he does indeed have the potential to control his orgasm. But the real reason, the one that most adherents of these advanced techniques would recognize, is that eventually you can get a man to a continuous orgasmic stream of energy without ejaculation, by keeping his arousal just below the point where he would naturally start to ejaculate.
Here's how you can do this. When you apply faster and more vigorous stimulation to his penis, watch for the impending signs of ejaculation: these include a sudden hardening of his penis, a fluttering feeling in the muscles of his genital region, perhaps an arching of his back, a change in his breathing, a stiffening of the muscles of his thighs and stomach, and the movement of his scrotum and testicles upwards towards his body. You may also see the emission of lots of clear pre-ejaculatory fluid from the end of his penis. (In fact, when a man is in "orgasmic flow", with energy surging through his body as he remains in a state of high arousal immediately before he would normally ejaculate, for long periods of time, the amount of this clear "pre-cum" which is emitted can be truly astounding.)
So, to enjoy the prolonged session of orgasmic bliss that is possible with repeated peaking but no ejaculation, it is necessary for your man to tell you when he is approaching the moment of ejaculation. You will then stop stimulating his penis, and wait until his urge to ejaculate has passed, which it will do in a few minutes, before you begin to stroke his penis again, using any or all of the movements which you used before. However, great care is needed not to pass the point at which his ejaculation will inevitably occur. After four or five approaches, you can finish the session by bringing him to a rapid and powerful orgasm. Or not, as you see fit - some men get so much pleasure from the preceding phases that they don't feel the need for their partner to masturbate their penis to ejaculation.
What I've described above is the basic form of repeated peaking, and it can provide a man with a great deal of pleasure. However, there are refinements which can make it even more enjoyable. First of all, some thoughts for men receiving this kind of penile stimulation from their partner. If you can communicate with your partner during the repeated peaking exercise it will make things easier for her to stimulate your penis in the way that most appeals to you. Don't just accept what she does - give her real feedback so she can increase her skills at pleasuring you. And don't let concerns about time pressure get in the way of your pleasure; equally, don't be concerned about fully expressing how you feel sexually, with moans, sighs, grunts, other noises, bodily movements, hip thrusting, or whatever else seems to be an appropriate way of expressing your arousal.
If you wish, you can reach around and play with your anus, which may feel very erotic - the same is true of your nipples. While you may have preconceptions about what is manly or masculine, don't let these preconceptions stand in the way of receiving greater pleasure! So while you may well like to have your penis rubbed between your partner's breasts (for example), would you willingly accept her finger playing on your anus? If not, you will be missing something both arousing and erotic - the anus is a very erotically sensitive part of the body. And of course it is the route to the prostate, massage of which can feel very exciting and can also lead to extended states of orgasmic flow without ejaculation. If your partner stimulates your prostate at the same time as she massages, rubs and fondles your penis, you will experience considerably more arousal, and be more likely to get into an extended orgasmic state than in almost any other way. One way to get familiar with these new sensations is to enjoy massage of the whole perineal area and the anus, with oil, and a gentle finger. If you've washed well beforehand, and cleaned inside your anal canal with a finger, there's not likely to be any shit hanging around....and even if there is, maybe you can cultivate an attitude of "So what?" This is about expanding the boundaries of your sexual experience beyond the penis-centric approach we men have tended to take as the norm. And when all is said and done, out failure to fully appreciate the erotic potential of our own bodies is more often than not the product of inhibitions misguidedly placed on us by our parents, who "give" us our basic attitude to our bodies during childhood.
Physical tension around the anus comes partly from childhood inhibitions, but it also comes from a variety of other causes: anger that is not expressed, insensitive medical examinations, and even from making love in the missionary position, where the thrusting required of a man makes his buttocks tense and leaves layers of muscular tension around his pelvis and anus. Breaking through all that is important, because when your prostate is massaged internally by a loving partner, the pleasure of your sexual energy can spread from your penis to your prostate gland in a process analogous to a woman's pleasure spreading from clitoris to G spot. Combined stimulation of penis and prostate leads to both internal and external sensations of pleasure. To break down the physical and emotional inhibitions which might make prostate massage seem like a threatening idea, a gradual approach is required, involving plenty of lube, gentle probing, and last but not least, well-trimmed fingernails! I'll get on to the mechanics of exactly how your partner can enter your body in a minute. First, though, I offer some ways in which you can gradually work up to internal prostate massage / stimulation.
So, as the man receiving this massage, I offer you the following ideas. Start a session of sexual exploration by greeting each other in a loving way, offering a heart salutation, and then have your partner vigorously massage your lower back, buttocks, sacrum, pelvic area and the tops of your thighs. Then lie on your back, have her relax and connect with you as she cups your penis and testicles in her hands, and then ask her to begin using her massage and stroking techniques on your penis. It is important you are aroused sufficiently before she approaches your prostate. Let her massage your penis with oil as before, using the strokes and techniques she learned in previous sessions of penile play, and remember to tell her before you get to the point of no return so you can avoid ejaculating. As you relax, your partner can stop stimulating your penis and leave her hand resting on your penis and testicles until your arousal has dropped and you are ready to begin again. Let this process of stimulation almost to the point of orgasm alternate with stopping stimulation for about fifteen to twenty minutes. After you've reached several peaks of arousal, your partner can explore the external area above your prostate, your perineum. The area may be insensitive because it has not yet been opened up to pleasure: to wake it up, have your partner press into the area between your scrotum and anus and explore it, while you tell her what level of pressure feels best, and where it is most sensitive. This is also the point where pressure applied externally by your partner can prevent ejaculation when you are highly aroused.
Your partner can vibrate her hand against your perineum while she holds the shaft and head of your penis with her other hand. Such techniques will energize the area around the perineum, getting it ready for prostate stimulation. Have your partner apply more oil to your penis and let her stroke the shaft, using whatever movements you like the most. When you're erect, have her massage your perineum, either rubbing up and down or in a circular motion, while she massages your penis at the same time. A good way of doing this is for your partner to hold the base of your penis in her right hand, while with her left hand she makes a circle of thumb and index finger, encircling your scrotum, so that the scrotum lies in the palm of her hand while the back of her hand lies against your perineum. In this way, she can stroke your penis with her right hand while vibrating her left hand on your perineum. She may need to maneuver so that she is comfortable and can reach your penis and genital area without difficulty.
Massage of the perineum and penis together can produce very exciting sensations; they may feel strange at first, but if you relax into them, they will rapidly become familiar and pleasurable. It's possible that you will lose your erection as your partner stimulates your prostate and perineum - this is not a problem, for she can continue massaging your penis whether it is flaccid or erect. The essence of the experience is to generate sexual arousal and intense physical pleasure, not necessarily a massive erection!
After becoming familiar with the sensation of combined penile and perineal massage, it's time for the big one - the move into internal prostate massage. You may well wish to douche gently, with a little warm water, before you start - this is certainly something that will be appreciated by your partner, as it removes any particles of shit from the rectum. The ultimate orgasm is achieved by blended sensations that come from prostate massage and penile stimulation. It combines strong male energy in the penis with softer, perhaps more feminine energy in the prostate, to give a unique sensation of orgasm.
Your partner must have trimmed nails, smoothly filed so there are no sharp edges. If you've douched, there's no need to use latex gloves unless you have any reason to suspect there may be an infection issue - for example if your partner is a carrier of hepatitis. Make sure you have plenty of time - at least a couple of hours devoted to this practice.
As before, your partner will sit between your legs - or wherever is most comfortable for her - with easy access to your penis. As before, she will begin by massaging, stroking and stimulating your penis with her hand and plenty of good quality oil - olive oil or massage oil is excellent for the purpose. She will bring you up towards the point of no return at least once before exploring your prostate, and all the time she is exploring it, she will maintain contact with your penis. She can gain access to your body by oiling your buttock cleft, then massaging sensitively the external area over the prostate. She will then move on to your anus, all the while keeping up her stimulation of your penis. Certainly, this can be a scary experience if you are new to it, but if you allow yourself to sink into the pleasure, it will become an arousing and desirable experience in no time. When the time feels right, your partner should ask if you are ready to allow her into your body. If your answer is yes, then she can gently press into you using plenty of lube. If you gently pump your PC muscle, you will make it easier for her finger to penetrate your anus.
Your partner can slowly and carefully enter you with her index finger. If your anus tenses up, then she can pause for a moment to allow it time to relax - and you can help this by breathing deeply and consciously relaxing your anus. When she is inside, she can move her finger around the inner ring of the anal sphincter, where she may find tension which she can gently massage away. Once she is in, welcome the sensations, enjoy the feeling, and stay aware as she explores inside your body. If she curves her finger upwards, she'll encounter an object which feels like a walnut - your prostate gland. When she presses against it, you may feel something deeply pleasurable, or it may just feel strange. In either case, welcome the sensations. Take plenty of time to explore how it feels and get accustomed to being sensitively massaged in this area. Guide your partner as she moves her finger about, telling her what feels good and what level of pressure is best for you.
You may need to spend two or three sessions practicing this before the sensations become pleasurable. In any case, don't give up, for the results of combined penis and prostate massage are remarkable! Your partner can use her middle finger to massage the prostate - and she can use any one of three types of strokes. She can make a zigzag motion across the surface of the prostate, massaging both it and the tissues surrounding it; she can move her finger up and down the prostate; or she can keep her finger on the prostate and vibrate her whole hand. She should be using plenty of lubricant, both on your penis, where she will be maintaining her stimulation all the time she massages your prostate internally, and inside on your prostate gland.
You can move, or you can remain still, as you choose, while your partner pleasures you. You may wish to make a noise, to release whatever emotions come up. You may relax into the experience or stay alert. Whatever comes up for you is OK. And for the first few sessions that you try this, keep it short. Obviously you'll stop if there is any sense of discomfort. It may take five or more sessions for your prostate to become sensitized to the touch of your partner, so keep trying if at first it feels as though you are not getting anywhere.
All of the techniques here are described in Margot Anand's book "Sexual Ecstasy, The Art Of Orgasm", which is obviously very useful to have by your side if you want to develop these techniques to the full. However, for the sake of completeness, I'll describe the way in which you might expect the combined penis / prostate massage experience to develop. The technique is called "Two Friends Meeting", a reference to the position of the fingers which your partner uses to massage your prostate gland and your penis simultaneously. She will have her right hand on your penis, strongly stimulating the shaft and glans with your favorite handstrokes, lubricated with oil as before. At the same time she has her left index finger (or middle finger) sensitively pressed against your prostate gland internally. She strongly stimulates your penis until it is erect, or until you begin to feel pleasure in your penis; then she moves her finger over the internal wall of your rectum, massaging your prostate with an up and down motion which goes as follows: as her left index or middle finger moves deeper into your anus and upwards over your prostate, the fingers which she has around your penis move downwards as if they were heading towards the finger moving upwards inside you, as if they were all going to meet at the base of the penis. The motion is then reversed and repeated.
There are of course many variations on this basic theme. She can stroke the penile shaft while zigzagging her finger across your prostate, or she can vibrate your prostate while circling your glans with her other hand....the possibilities are endless, but it is you, as the receiver of the pleasure, who needs to tell her what you enjoy most, and to direct her in her movements. (Unless what she is doing is perfectly fine, in which case you need to tell her that!) Finally, the man may stimulate his own penis while his partner massages his prostate. That can be very exciting.
And so you are now approaching your final objective: a combined orgasmic flow, an energy stream which is the result of prostate and penile stimulation at the same time. You may want to make sounds, or to become more physically active, with hip thrusts, for example, or you may wish to relax into the experience. Or you may wish to enhance the experience by breathing deeply, a technique which relaxes and opens out the body in many ways.
So have your partner massage your penis more vigorously, so that you approach orgasm. But stop just before you reach the point of no return and ejaculate! Have your partner press on your prostate, which helps to stop ejaculation. And totally relax into the sensations....feel the orgasmic energy coursing outwards from your sexual centre, from your pelvic area to your belly, to your thighs, to the whole of your body. Breath slowly and deeply. Take in this experience; when you're ready, repeat the whole thing. Receive the blended stimulation from penis and prostate, and feel the energy moving through your body as you approach your peak of arousal. You will gradually move into a state of orgasmic flow, where continuous ripples of sexual energy flow outward from your pelvis. Allow these sensations to take over, to flood through your whole being. When you fully surrender to this experience, you'll feel as if you are being carried along on a wave of orgasmic energy - with no need for ejaculation to enjoy your orgasm. This flow of orgasmic energy can last for half an hour or more, and will fade away when the stimulation of penis and prostate stop....or you can ask your partner to take you to the pleasure of ejaculation.....